moving forward || life

It's been rather difficult to keep up with this blog.

I think I might be moving forward in life away from this blog as I develop other websites/blogs revolved around my photography.

Monday we had our second advisory board of the year. If you don't remember, my last experience was life changing. Not REALLY, but at the same time it impacted me a lot. So I was definitely excited about round two.

I was able to meet with more photo editors and photographers. I got a lot of advice and a lot of good feedback. This program has been so much more than a photojournalism program. It's challenged me to grow in areas I thought I was already established in.

Check out my photoblog and my website to keep updated on what I'm shooting. I don't know if I'll post my work on here,  rather my personal life will be updated on here. 

Don't be afraid to show who you are to the world. It's terrifying. We're tempted to put on a performance and act. We analyze and assume we know what people want to her and see. Don't go there. Let who you are shine through, otherwise a connection will be missed. The window of opportunity to click and connect with people is slim.

I've started to connect with one photo editor and his words are like gems to me. I take what people say to me very seriously especially because I also know they aren't throwing out cheap words.
On the above photo he said, "Hannah, this is like a 1920's Lewis Hine photo. This is fantastic. This is your anchor."

Go for the gold. Move forward. Never let anything in your life plateau.

excellent in love || life

I'm sorry I've completely abandoned this blog. The month of February was ridiculous. It was busy with school. I was emotionally detached and spiritually stalled. When I'm disengaged with God and with myself I find it hard to be engaged with people, with my photography and with writing.

When I'm disengaged with people I find that I'm barely getting by. I exist, I work, I eat, and sleep.
Put that on repeat and that's what February consisted of.

I wanted to do really well in my program in regards to all my assignments. I worked really hard but I think I had more failures than successes last month. I found myself wallowing in frustration because I wasn't doing as well as I wanted to

No one wants to fail. Failure and rejection are the two life experiences I hate the most.
I'm not sure if its the case with most people, but I like to believe that we all have this intrinsic need/want for greatness.
No one wants to be last. We're trained from a young age to win, be the best, aim for perfection and avoid failure. We don't want to be left behind.

I find it hard to balance my life -  I want to do great in this new world of photojournalism, which I blindly and ignorantly entered into,  but I don't want to completely abandon everyone and everything else.

If I'm going to be known for anything I want it to be something beyond my ability to take photos and tell stories. This is just a medium for me to connect with this scary world. This is simply a way for me to discover myself and the untold stories I stumble upon. This is my way into someone's life to love them, to bless them and to learn from them.

If I strive for excellence in the wrong areas I lose myself.

If you've ever read A Wrinkle in Time you'll know why love is the most powerful weapon, tool and medium to bring some change to this broken world. It's not my photography, it's not my writing or intelligence that'll change anything. It's love.

Love drives out fear and darkness.

When we love and we know we're love it compels us to without so much pressure.
Anxiety and fear cripple me when I try to be excellent as a photographer. It's tiring and not worth it.
But if I make every effort to love and that's all my life is marked by, I would be satisfied.

Without love I am nothing.

“If she could give love to IT perhaps it would shrivel up and die, for she was sure that IT could not withstand love.” 

A Wrinkle in Time

rise up and be thankful || faith

When I'm sick and tired I can enter into a place of self-pity, or enter His gates with thanksgiving.
There are times when I feel the heaviness of loneliness and want to take full control of it - this is when I need to give thanks. 

Life can be overwhelming with it's harsh realities and it's easy to allow them to consume me. 

This paralyzes me and I end up wanting to hide from everyone and everything. 

If we want to see change in our lives, we have to move. 

Rise up and be thankful. 

Find that place of thanksgiving - it is a place of life. 

Enter His gates with thanksgiving, and His courts with praise. Give thanks to Him; bless His name. Psalm 100:4

people are worth it || life

A few days ago I posted a funny image on my facebook on a guide to understanding introverts. It got me thinking about the way I, as an introvert, interact with others. 

I may be introverted but I'm not quiet. Actually, I can be obnoxiously loud especially while telling a story or explaining something really exciting. I also talk a lot. Sometimes too much, especially if I've been in environments where I don't get to talk too much.

I'm also not shy. I can talk to strangers, I enjoy meeting new people and making new friends. 

Though there are times I need my downtime to recharge, I value quality time with people. My love language is quality time - I feel the most loved when I spend good quality time with my family and friends. Even if I've just met you but our time was well spent, I know I've made a good friend. 

It's funny because even though my love language is quality time, and I value the quality time I do have with people, but because I need to be alone to recharge it takes so much out of me to get out there. I'm terribly bad at keeping appointments. If I'm supposed to meet you at 10am and I get up at 8:30am, I'll probably ask if we can meet at 10:30am so that I have enough time to sit around, 'charge' and then go out. I used to wake up at 6:30am to get to work for 8:30am even though my kids didn't come in until 9:30am. I needed that extra hour to sit around and do nothing before I interacted with them. Terrible habit and I'm thankful for the people that have been so gracious about it. 

There are times that I use my personality as a reason to not be with people. If we're completely honest with ourselves it's daunting to be invested in others. It's draining, and at times, even burdensome. If I just want to avoid getting close with people, or if I'm exhausted, I always say, "I just need my alone time" so they know they're not the problem, but it's just the way I am. We've been conditioned to not talk about our feelings, so when someone does its tough to listen to. We don't validate's people's feelings as much as we should and that's could be why it's tiring listening to others. 

But people should be worth sacrificing your comfort for - at least for an hour or two. This past week I learned of really devastating news regarding a very close friend of mine. Though I'm someone who thinks a lot, I avoid thinking of death and emotionally-charged things. I don't know how to think about those things. But this week I've been pushed to think of things I've avoided for a long time.  

Time is precious, people can be with you one moment and gone the next, and that the people in your life should always be worth your time. Your time and your presence is a gift no one can ever give. 

I'm an introvert, but it doesn't mean I don't like being with people. Give me a little nudge and reminder to get my hamster ball rolling.