creative work advice || life lessons

This is amazing advice for anyone pursuing an area of work/interest pertaining to the arts/creativity. I feel like he's speaking directly to me where I am right now. I get frustrated with the things I create because it's not what I want it to be but I know what I what. I get frustrated with the lack of support and even encouragement to be a sub-par photographer, as if I can't do any better.

"It takes a while. It's going to take you a while. It's normal to take you a while. And you just have to fight your way through that."

May is a month of rest. Taking a break from doing and instead resting especially with photography. I know the video above says to do a lot of work, but right now I feel the need to rest.

As I prepare to go to school in the fall, I started to think about all the ways that I could be ready. I was looking into photography opportunities, internships, jobs and what not. Everyone's advice is to go out and do as much as I can on my own so that I can get a lot of experience. Sometimes when I look at how much other people have done in regards to photography, I feel really inadequate. I wonder if I should just go to school for something else that doesn’t require much work and get a job. But I felt like God has been telling me to be still and stay hidden. It doesn’t make sense because I should be equipping myself with photography skills and knowledge this summer, but God kept saying, “remain hidden”. 

Although I’m poor in the photography world and lacking in experience, I have the kingdom of God where I lack nothing. Though right now I don’t have any experience or any credibility in the photography world, I trust and believe that God is preparing heavenly riches for me that will be manifested in my future job. Though in the natural my situation looks pitiful and kind of pathetic, I am blessed from a kingdom’s perspective. 

After May, June will come and I can't wait to participate in the 30 Days of Creativity where I will push myself, create, make, and challenge myself in new and old areas of creativity. I'll start to do more with the blog, but at the same time it's SO nice out! I don't like sitting in front of the computer during the summer. 

Luke 6:20

Blessed are you who are poor, for yours is the kingdom of God.

21 days || my life

I've decided to take a social media break for the next 21 days. As I've mentioned before I'm getting overwhelmed with all this social media usage and I think I need a break. I'll still update my blog with my 366 project, but I think I need to take some time, read, write, take pictures, discover the city, relate to people I see or don't see without the noise of social media. I did this last year in September and it proved to be something of great value. I read more books and there's was much more peace. It seems that the less noise in your life means more peace.. duh! But it's hard to practically do something about it. 

I've found myself becoming pretty restless living here. Not to be emo or anything, but it's pretty tough when I don't have my closest friends nearby and I'm doing the same thing over and over again. I am really grateful for the people around me. I just don't have close friends here in Waterloo. Facebook also made it difficult to be in the present as I would look through pictures from people in Korea and wish that I could be there. It wasn't healthy so I've decided to take a break. 

This morning I woke up, the daily Bible reading was from 1 Timothy 4:1-10. Funny because the verse that Pastor Christian used in the Facebook sermon was 1 Timothy 4:1. Coincidence or not, I know this is a good thing to do for now and it'll be refreshing. I know there isn't really a need to announce it or declare to the internet world that I'm taking a break, seeing that it won't really notice, I just wanted you (my dear faithful readers) to know.  

photojournalism, here I come || my life

I know I just posted about life being boring, but it seems that God thinks otherwise. Saturday evening I was reading the intro of a book called "25 Days to Better Thinking and Better Living" that was free on amazon when my ADD kicked in. I decided to check the Ontario college's website to see if I got an offer of admission to a photojournalism program that I applied to a few weeks ago. I thought to myself, "Naw, they would have e-mailed me about it!" But because I have major ADD I decided to check anyway. 

I scrolled down and saw a notification beside the word "offers" and saw that I was accepted into the program for photojournalism. It's actually happening. I feel like I'm dreaming right now. I wrote about overcoming my fear of applying and now I've been accepted! 

I tried so hard to come up with reasons to be afraid but I couldn't. This is SO good and I'm so excited. Thank you to all those who believed in me even when I didn't. Thank you to those who gave me opportunities to exercise my gift and allow my dreams to be a reality. Thank you for all those who pushed me to do this even when I didn't want to. Thank you to everyone for celebrating with me and being excited for what is to come in my life. Thank you Lord, parents, siblings, six pack, friends, mentors, pastors and NPC for praying and supporting me! It means a lot. I'm sure the next 2 years will be incredible in so many different ways. I'm going to be have to face my fears and learn to take criticism. It's going to be 2 challenging yet glorious years of learning and discovering so many aspects of photojournalism and even more. 

Here we go! I've got to start practicing and studying this summer so that I'm ready for the fall. 

For those reading this, I give you all the rights to hold me accountable any time I want to give up. I have a terrible tendency to do this but in faith I envision myself graduating and being a world renown photographer ^_____^ 

life is boring... || life lessons

... and that's ok.

I went through a lot of old e-mails from 2005-2009. I was able to delete about 300 e-mails and still have about 1,950 left! 

I'd open up an email, wonder what that person is doing, look them up on facebook or google. 

It's really weird to think we were once friends. You were a part of my life. I was a part of yours. We enjoyed, for the most part, each other's presence and now you're gone; living your own life and I'm living my own. I think a lot about my past, maybe more than I should.

Often times I have to motivate myself with quotes like "live in the now" or "be happy for this moment. this moment is your life" because I don't like the present. I have a hard time embracing the present and would rather be off in my own dream world OR reliving the past. I'm a nostalgic day dreamer. I like to travel from my past to the future without ever being fully present. 

In this world, those that are inspiring and motivating leave a mark. Nobody likes a debbie downer. So we all try very hard to be excited to live. I think I'm admitting that I live a very mundane life. Through facebook, pinterest, tumblr, twitter and whatever other social networking sites that are out there we try to portray our everyday living as very exciting when it really isn't. I choose what I show on my facebook and want everyone to know that I'm living a grandiose life. Don't get me wrong. I love life. I am very glad to be alive and love where I am today. But there are days that I don't like the present. And I think it's ok to admit this. I think I've been trying so hard to prove to the rest of the world that I'm living a glorious life based on what I do and that all depends on how I show it. 

Life is such a paradox. When everything is boring and uneventful life is still beautiful. We can't force our lives to be magical and exciting all the time. There are days when you just sit at home, read a book, drink tea, look at your computer screen for hours and then go to sleep. That's it. And that's ok. I don't have to try to play up my life and pretend that it's full of adventures. Sometimes it's not. And it's still beautiful. 

Life is boring and that's ok!

other hobbies || my life

I've been wanting to buy a bicycle for a while. So I finally went on kijiji and found one. I can't wait for the weather to warm up and to bike all around the city. I don't want to drive anymore. I can't run very well but I can bike for hours. Biking is another hobby/activity that I will be partaking in a lot this summer! $75 is a pretty good deal for a bicycle for the streets. 

I decided I'd try learning the ukelele. I love the sound of it. I printed out the chord chart, found some awesome helpful websites and am going to use my friend's ukelele to practice. 

Lastly, today I bought a monopod! This is perfect for filming with a DSLR. I watched this monopod video yesterday and knew I had to get one. Today I found one on sale for $20! 

I'm trying to be more proactive in doing the things I want to do and following through with what I dream about. I can't just daydream about biking, playing the ukelele and shooting awesome videos. I gotta pick myself up and go! 

Hello April

April came way too fast. I feel like it was just yesterday that I left Korea. I don't miss Korea as much as I miss the people. So with that it's been a bit difficult to fully adjust to Waterloo. This isn't to say that I'm having a terrible time. I know I'm supposed to be here, but March was a strange month. Half of it was spent in Korea while the latter half was in Canada. 

I expect April to be full of joy. April isn't a very enjoyable month because it's usually really rainy and there isn't anything exciting going on. It's usually the month when we would have our finals and we'd always anticipate May. If it's going to rain a lot this April I expect an outpouring of love and joy. I expect to be drowning in rivers of blessings. 

There are some things I know I need to invest in. 

I need to go out and take more pictures and really get to know my camera.

I want to work out in the mornings. 

I found a bunch of books I want to read at the library so I need to make time for that.

Learn the ukelele and cajon. 

Here we go April! Even with your reputation for being a depressing and boring month, I will enjoy it!

capture the world || my life

I did it. I applied to a school for photojournalism. I want to go out, capture the world, and do what I can to share the world with the world. 

I don't know why it's such a big deal but it is. I've been out of school for 3 years so it's really weird to think that I could be going back to school this fall. I've applied to two different programs in the past, one time for my MSW (Masters of Social Work) and another time for teacher's college here in Ontario. I clearly didn't know what I wanted to do but I just did what seemed the most reliable in terms of getting a job or what seemed most easiest to get into. 

Ever since I was 10 years old I loved taking pictures. I got my first digital camera when I was 16 and before that I'd play with random film cameras and even had one of those really old skinny rectangular cameras. I own a really old polaroid camera along with a Holga lomography toy camera. Without much research I bought this random old film Canon SLR on e-bay, but then it broke. I got my first DSLR in 2009 as a graduation present. It was a Nikon D40. Right after graduation I went ou with my D40 and the kit lens to discover the world. First stop was Bolivia. I was so terrified to take pictures though. 

Fast forward to Korea and a year of discovering who I am and what I'm supposed to do on this earth. What a discovery it was. I discovered a lot of my fears, past wounds and insecurities. After I dealt with that junk, I could see what my dreams were. I actually gave my D40 away last year in April believing that I couldn't be a photographer. I compared myself with everyone around me and fully convinced myself that I couldn't do it. That's how I've always lived. I like something, look at everyone else and then tell myself I'm not good enough and give up. Ever since I was a kid I would pick something up and then give up when it got too hard. Before applying I just thought of all the reasons why I shouldn't go to school. I tried to think of all kinds of options so that I wouldn't have to think about photography. I barely know how my camera works and I'm a terrible writer. I'm afraid to fail. I'm afraid that this is the wrong direction to go. As I thought and prayed about it, I knew I had to stop running away from this. 

I've had enough of it. No more running away and letting my fears control me. I know I love photography. I absolutely despise the snobbery (is that a word??) that tends to come along with it, but I want to also get into this industry to change the standards of it. I don't believe the photography industry has to be a dog-eat-dog kind of world. I believe that if we, especially as a photojournalist, are doing what we love to capture unheard and unseen stories of this world, we need to work together. Anyway I'm just dreaming right now. I didn't even get accepted. 

Step 1 for stepping into your destiny: Believe in yourself. Love yourself. Reject all lies. Break off fear. 

Step 2: just do it.  

Step 3: trust that all things are working out, even when things don't look like it. TRUST. 

Growing Up || life lessons

{76/366 - little hands}

I've been babysitting for the past two weeks. This is Isaiah. He's very pensive. He'll stand at the window and look out without saying a word. 

I guess you could say that I'm a pensive person as well. I've been reflecting a lot what it means to grow up. I've resisted growing up for a long time. I diagnosed myself with the Peter Pan syndrome. I thought if I grow up I would lose myself. I never wanted to wear suit pants or heels or take out a loan or get a real job. I thought I wouldn't be able to do the things I love. I was afraid of growing up.  I thought growing up meant compromising my personality and what I love to do. 

You don't lose yourself when you grow up. Instead you discover MORE of who you are and can grow even more confident. 

I also discovered that in order for me to really mature and experience life at its fullest I need to become like a child again. I need to trust like a child, love like a child and expect a lot like a child. Life is full of silly paradoxes and this is one of them. 

the love of a boy || life lessons

When I was in my final year of university I used to babysit after one boy every week. We'd play the Wii, play with his cars, go outside, play soccer and basketball. Andrew was a pretty stubborn and feisty boy, but eventually he warmed up to me. While I was away in Korea I received an e-mail from his mom with a recent picture of me and told me that he asked where I was. It surprised me to know that he still remembered me even though so much time had gone by. 

I went by his house yesterday to say hello and play with him. Children can sometimes be really unpredictable. I wasn't sure if he'd be shy, uncomfortable or friendly with me. As soon as I pulled up to their house I saw that he had run out without his shoes on and waited for me on the sidewalk. He stood there, waved and then gave me a really big hug. Later his mom told me that after dinner he was waiting by the window for me to arrive. With excitement he grabbed his baseball mitt, ball and bicycle so that we could play at the park.  

He didn't have any reservations when it came to loving me. Even though I hadn't seen him for a long time, he still loved me. His child-like love for me is something we all need. The love of this boy was so precious and real.

The older we get the more difficult it is for us to freely love others; to love others with a youthful excitement and without any fear. I don't like the idea of being vulnerable when I love others. I'd rather still protect myself by keeping up certain walls. Somewhere along the years I've lost my child-like faith and am always suspicious of people around me. 

I want to love like Andrew did. I want to be excited to see people and embrace those around me without any barrier. 

And I can't wait to meet a guy who'll run out to me without their shoes on, patiently wait for me and play catch in park with me.

Matthew 18:4

Therefore, whoever humbles himself like a child is the greatest in the kingdom of heaven.

1 John 4:18

There is no fear in love. But perfect love drives out fear, because fear has to do with punishment. 

stop. relax. be bored. || life lessons

It's been about a week and a half since I've been home. In Seoul I was working every day, then on the weekend I'd either have a photo club meeting, be at church meeting or go on some random adventure. Arriving in Waterloo I was confronted with the sobering reality of unemployment. While working in Korea I was so excited for a break and now that I got it I didn't like it. I felt useless and often wondered what I was doing back in Canada where instead I could have been working and hanging out with my friends. 

I had to remind myself to relax. I had to be ok with boredom. Being in limbo is new and scary, but I had to come to terms with it. I put so much of my value and worth in everything I did that as soon as it was all gone I didn't know what to do with myself. When we're so busy we want to relax and when we have a lot of down time we wish for an adventure. Our hearts are never satisfied with where we are. I can fully attest to this. I have wander lust, I'm always restless and even when I get what I want I'm still never satisfied. 

These times of rest are so rare so I need to appreciate it. It's ok to be bored. During these times I can spend sweet, intimate times with the Lord, catch up with old friends, draw & paint, read what I want, and rest. 

In your week don't forget to stop. relax and be bored. 

Psalm 46:10

Be still, and know that I am God.

Incredibly Loved || My Last Week in Seoul Part 2

This is an overdue post on my last week in Seoul. The second part of it. I've been home for a week. I've been really busy but I've also had a lot of downtime where I do absolutely nothing. I'll be doing a major renovation of this blog. I've got tons of ideas on what I want to write and do on top of my 366 photo project. Sometimes I really wonder what I'm doing, why did I even start a blog and where is this all going to go? It can be discouraging when looking at stats or when I browse through other blogs, but now isn't the time to give up. It's always hard to start and maintain something.

Wednesday March 7, 2012

I spent the day with Liz and Peter. We went to Fell + Cole which is an amazing ice cream shop in Seoul. They had flavours like burnt salted caramel and perilla (green leaves that we usually eat with Korean BBQ). 

{62/366 - too cool for school}

After ice cream Liz and I just wandered around Hongdae, a really fun area in Seoul. I ended up buying new glasses. Here we are in Too Cool for School looking around at their make up. 

After we made our way to Gangnam to meet our other friends for dinner. The rest of the night ended up being one of the most craziest and unreal nights of my life. I was incredibly blessed and shocked and overwhelmed. 

Read more to see what happened!

Adventures in Seoul || My Last Week in Seoul Part 1

I don't have the right words or pictures that can capture exactly what my last week in Korea was like. This blog entry may not do justice to the emotions and experience I went through. It's not something you can just write out or show. You just had to be there with me. But for the sake of my blog, my readers, and walking down memory lane I will attempt to summarize it in one blog entry.

[A lot of my pictures were taken with my cellphone so the quality isn't as great. It was more convenient for me as my schedule was so busy and I was always on the go.]

Sunday March 4, 2012

{59/366 - Pastors}

My pastors like to dress the same when they're working. These are my main pastors of my church New Philadelphia Church. Having P. Marcus and P. JM in my life this past year changed my life. The wisdom that flowed from these men were like gold. A lot of this gold I tucked away but I'm sure it will come into use later in my life. 

Read more of my adventures...

goodbye Seoul, hello Canada

This is a picture of the last snack that I bought in Seoul. It may sound and look nasty, but it is delicious. Baked squid.

I'm on Canadian soil! This is really strange and surreal but also really awesome. I'm not sure if it's maturing or I'm emotionless, but I feel so normal about all of this. A few tears were shed as the plane took off and I read some sweet and funny plane letters, but that was it. Who knows though, I've only been away for like 8 hours. I'll be updating with pictures from my last week in Seoul. It was amazingly perfect to say the least. I couldn't have asked for a better week. More details to come! Thanks for not abandoning my blog !

bon iver aka bonny bear || music

When there's amazing music like this being produced I can't NOT share. This session makes me feel so happy to be alive. I'm sure people were wondering who the heck he was when he won two Grammy awards, but he deserved it. Can't get enough of this guy.

first outfit post (kind of) || i wear

Ok, it's not a full outfit since I don't really show you my footwear. I just really liked this shirt so I asked my lovely friend Melody to take some pictures of me. Can I tell you something? I felt so silly asking her to take pictures of me. But luckily she's such a comfortable girl that it made the experience a lot better. You gotta start somewhere right? Who your photographer is really does make a difference!

//grey lace sweater - Lindarasa by Smile Market//

//dark skinny jeans - UNIQLO//

//leaf necklace - Accessorize//

//boots - Le Bunny Bleu//

As soon as I saw this shirt I knew I had to get it. I'm in love with anything lace these days. I thought the neckline was perfect. It wasn't too low or too high. As I wrote out where each item was from I realized that I can't get ANY of these in Canada. With the limited time I have left here this makes me want to get as much as I can before I go! Did I mention that the lace is SOFT and fuzzy. Yea, its pretty cool.

valentine's day || Project 366

{44/366 - reading cards}

Koreans don't really give or make Valentine's Day cards. All they do is buy a lot of chocolate. I miss buying random boxes of cards and then choosing which one I would give to the people in my class. It was an important decision to make. I was so shameless in how I'd pick the pretty ones for my friends and the ugly ones were left over for the people I didn't like. Terrible. Luckily I printed out really cute ones for my kids so they were all happy with giving and receiving. They were SO excited to look into their bags and see what card they got from their other friends. One student kept pounding her chest saying that she was so anxious and excited to see her cards. It was so funny. 

This is the chocolate I received from my students. The chocolate on the left was hand made by Daniel. He was so proud of what he made. The story was that he bought chocolate bars. Before he started baking with his mom, he logically thought that he could melt the chocolate in the microwave. Without really timing it right, he ended up burning the chocolate. He was so confused and didn't understand why. Luckily his mom bought him extra chocolate and showed him that he had to slowly melt it. It was even cuter because he designed these and even gave special ones out to his classmates. 

It was a good day. Spent it with my kids. Spent it with a good friend of mine and was reminded to hold on tight to love. It's always around us. We just need to open our hearts to really see it.

get lost || music

I don't think I'm made to work 9-6. I've got exactly 9 more days of work left. It's kind of unreal. Nine more days for me to take as many pictures of my kids. If I really think about it, I highly doubt I'll ever see these kids again. It makes me really sad.

On these kinds of tiring days I like listening to certain kinds of songs as I walk around the busy city of Seoul. Sometimes you just have to get lost while walking amongst millions of others. I allow my mind to just wander so I don't have to think too much about the reality of life.

Here is one of my favorite songs that I like to get lost to.

Of Monsters and Men - Little Talks

wooly, red cardigan

 This is one of my favorite sweater cardigans. I bought it in Seoul in 이대 (Ewha Womans University). There's a small vintage store in one of the alleyways. It cost about 10,000krw which is less than $10usd. I love the four gold buttons on it at the bottom. The neck (which I forgot to get a picture of) is a really low V line. I love the intricate weaving going on the sleeve. It's a fun sweater to wear on warm, gloomy days. 

Ingrid Michaelson - Human Again

I'm not a professional when it comes to album reviews. I hate critiquing things. I either like it or I don't. This album I like a lot. 

Something about this album puts me at ease. With each song I feel like I can relate to her as if we've been friends for years. There's something really comforting with this album and the way each song flows to the next. I like how simple it is. What I like about her music is there's no pretentious feel to it at all. So far I'm really enjoying Fire and Ghost. 

This is my album on repeat for the upcoming days. Go buy it or check out the songs on her myspace.