mumford & sons - i will wait || music

Something about this band is so special. I'm not sure if it's the banjo or Marcus Mumford's voice or the lyrics, but they're special. I love this new song that came out. I think it captures my heart and what I'm going through right now. I came home and physically felt heavy. Emotions stirred in me as I drove into Belleville. I was kind of surprised by this. At church we talked about Mary & Martha and the major difference was that Mary sat, rested and listened. She experienced intimacy while Martha was busy. I think it's time for that now.

I have a lot to think about in my mind. This past weekend a lot happened in my heart. As a lot of questions started to become answered more questions arose. I like to have complete pictures nicely framed in my mind. If there are any holes to a situation or picture it makes me feel very unsettled. But that's where trust comes in right? Trusting that even with unanswered questions life is good and I'm going through a process. Sorry for being so vague. I'm also still figuring it out. I'm wondering what I'm doing at photojournalism school, why I'm in the middle of nowhere and why I didn't follow through with some other options. It's not regret. It's just a wonder.


And I came home
Like a stone
And I fell heavy into your arms
These days of dust
Which we've known
Will blow away with this new sun

And I'll kneel down
Wait for now
And I'll kneel down
Know my ground

And I will wait, I will wait for you
And I will wait, I will wait for you

So break my step
And relent
You forgave and I won't forget
Know what we've seen
And him with less
Now in some way
Shake the excess

But I will wait, I will wait for you
And I will wait, I will wait for you
And I will wait, I will wait for you
And I will wait, I will wait for you

So I'll be bold
As well as strong
And use my head alongside my heart
So take my flesh
And fix my eyes
That tethered mind free from the lies

But I'll kneel down
Wait for now
I'll kneel down
Know my ground

Raise my hands
Paint my spirit gold
And bow my head
Keep my heart slow

Cause I will wait, I will wait for you
And I will wait, I will wait for you
And I will wait, I will wait for you
And I will wait, I will wait for you

delete and be free || life

When I was leaving Korea a lot of people said that I was easy to shop for because the things I love are so evident. I love music, I love being crafty (in a good way hehe) and I love photography & design. Without giving it any thought having music and access to photoshop & lightroom was so easy as if it were my right. I guess I thought I was entitled to have easy access to the things that would make my life great. You can download these things for free on the internet. Why would I not take advantage of this? So I have more than 6,000 songs plus I'm sure another couple thousand saved somewhere on CDs & harddrives. Most weren't bought or legally downloaded (will I get in trouble for admitting this online? I hope not!) 

I had my reasons to justify this! When I was a senior in college my car was stolen. In that car were all my CDs! I used to be an avid CD buyer and I loved supporting artists with buying their merch. After they were stolen, I became bitter and jaded. I reasoned that there was no need to buy material things when they'd easily get taken away from you. I also reasoned that if I downloaded I wouldn't be supporting corporations and big music companies. I thought those were good enough reasons to keep downloading. Stupid... I know, but when you're in university you think you know everything. 

I've never felt convicted to delete and throw away all that the things that I unrightfully owned. It was normal living for me. As I read Romans 2, I got convicted. I long to live a life of integrity and honor. I want to be free of anything that is going to hinder me now and in the future. Even if I don't like big corporations, I realize fighting a wrong with a wrong never solves the problem. If I pursue a life of integrity and holiness, with some supernatural help, I know my slate is clear. Does that make sense? I am free of anything impure, making my soul and spirit free. I'll be able to experience a new kind of freedom I haven't experienced yet.

I'm starting to see the value in making sure I live right before I even try to help others to live right. Whether it's a small issue or a big issue, my heart, mind and spirit need to be aligned with the ways of heaven. I share because I want to be held accountable.

Wish me luck. It'll be done by today. Unless I'm at school with the nice new mac computers I won't have access to photoshop or lightroom for a while. 

*update* only 800 songs survived and no more adobe creative suite is left. it was pretty painful at first, but i know it was good. 

one week finished || life

credit: Sarah Vissers

My first week in Belleville has come to an end. It's early morning before my class starts. I have one class at 9am, and then I'm off home to Waterloo to pick up Clara from where we leave for Toledo, OH. Yep, I'm off to America once again. It's my second home. We're off to do some planning for a end-of-the-year retreat. I like going home on the weekends even if it is a bit costly. That's why I opted for cheap housing instead of living in the dorms. Plus cameras + lenses + random equipment costs SO much!

It's been a really good week. I've met a lot of new people and got some insight as to what my program will be like. The school is alright, but the program seems to be legit. I guess I was worried about what I was getting myself into. When I came to visit Belleville in July I second guessed my decision and thought "I should drop out!" 

Not sure what the rest of the year will be like, but if it's as easy and simple as my Photoshop class then I'll be happy!

Time of Transition || life

I've moved in to my new place in Belleville. It's a bit of a weird situation since I'm all alone. Luckily I'm an introvert so this isn't too much of a problem. Since I'm avoiding unpacking and organizing my room, I decided to edit a few photos from a wedding my sister and I did last night.

Although I always loved looking at wedding photos, after my first one I didn't think I'd ever do one. I'm still so new at it so the stress of making sure I get everything can be overwhelming at times. But yesterday was a ton of fun. Josh and Katie were amazing to work with. They're so much fun and will do anything to make sure everyone around them is having a good time. It was a great way to end my summer. It was an honour to be part of their wedding and it definitely gave me confident for the next one! Photos to come soon!

As most of you know I'm here in Belleville for photojournalism. It's a 2 year college diploma program. I've questioned many times why I ended up coming here and what the whole purpose of this transition is. I know it has to do more than school so I'm excited about that. Life has to be more than about photography and going to school and having a career. I don't want to limit my opportunities and the big or little doors that I will come across.

As the days approached to today I felt that I needed to be open to whatever may happen. There's a bigger purpose to why I'm here on my own.

Times of transition are normally difficult, but for once I'm not feeling anxious or regretful of this decision. I'm so blessed to be covered with prayers of so many wonderful people. Here we go. It's a time of transition, but really all things are the way they're supposed to be.

By the way, this is a question for my regular commenters. Do you prefer if I e-mail you a response or should I just reply on the blog. I'm not sure if you get the reply if I reply to you on the blog, so let me know! And if I don't reply directly please know that I'm VERY blessed and am always doing my best to keep up to date with your blog and your life if it's possible! This blog is always in transition and you're awesome for supporting me so much!