losing control || life

How inconvenient. Anxiety and worries seem to find me at the most inconvenient times. Yesterday I was in between assignments when the reality of how little control I have over my life crept up on me. As the evening went on I couldn't just shake away this feeling. I couldn't understand why I was so burdened by this. I don't see myself as an anxious person. I like to be stress-free. 

But something didn't feel right. I felt like I was losing control of my life. Nothing bad was happening. The drive was peaceful, the sky was beautiful and things at work were fine. I don't know why I was feeling the way I was. All I know is that as much as I want to believe I have full control over my life I don't. 

I can't control my brain, I can't control the way others drive, or my future. I can't even control what happens after I pray. I can't control how God is going to respond to me. I can't control the way others think or even sometimes the way I think.

I can try. I can be as healthy as I can be but that doesn't mean I won't get sick. I can try really hard to impose my ideas, beliefs and thoughts on someone else but I have no control over how they will respond. 

This scares me. It's almost paralyzing to think about this. I want to have control over something. It's in my nature to control, to plan, to worry and fret about what's next. 

But I also knew that it wasn't enough for me to be so afraid of. Fear immobilizes. Fear rarely produces good fruit. Instead, it cripples you and you're stuck. I didn't want to be stuck. 

So last night as I'm having a mini anxiety/panic attack about how little control I have over my life a friend reminded me gently how I'm not supposed to do this on my own. It's like skydiving. The first time you go, you can't go alone. You need an instructor to go with you. It's pretty risky to entrust your life to someone as you jump out of a plane and pray that you land safely (actually I didn't land so well so my butt ended up hurting a lot and I threw up after, but I survived last year). 

If life is supposed to be this grand adventure or journey then I have to let go of the idea of having control over every little thing. I want to entrust (and I guess I write this to be held accountable by whoever reads this) my life into the hands of God and also the people around me. It means letting down my guard and the high walls I've built up to keep people out of my life. It means being ok when things get messy. It means having peace in my heart when nothing seems to be going right. It takes some faith and courage to let go of my natural impulse to control.   

And to know there is so much grace in the unplanned chaos moments of our lives is beautiful.

overflow of love || life

"Sorry I've been so busy." It's a common reason for being unable to catch up with someone, spend time with people you love and do what you really care about. We work, we study, we have meetings to go to, we have to clean, take care of kids, we're starting businesses, we're beginning a new career and whatever else we're busy doing  -- we're doing it. When I'm busy I become lazy and complacent. I become quite robotic and drained. I don't want to be around anybody or do anything. I think I've become busy with the wrong things though.

"It's just not my personality." "It's not the way I do things." I know I've said this quite often when I don't want to do something or when I've been confronted about the way I do or don't do things. My old habits, personality and temperament are good excuses for me to use when I want to reason my way out of something. If I don't want to spend time with people, I tell them I'm an introvert. If I offend someone with my words, I tell them I like to say what I want to say. If I don't respond right away to an e-mail or text, I tell them I'm just slow at it. It's excuse after excuse rather than owning up anything.

Yesterday I was driving and it dawned on me that I still don't know what it means to truly love people. My love for my family and friends is weak. I have a limit and then I want to quit. It's much easier to talk about love than to actually have it manifest in every area of my life. Just like it's much easier to talk about faith than to live by it. It isn't that I'm being hard on myself, but I know that my love isn't enough. It runs dry and it has it's limits.

Do I do everything out of love? Has love completely changed me from the inside out? The times I'm tired or burnt out isn't because I've loved so much but because I haven't. Loving others shouldn't be draining or tiring; not when you know you're loved and not when you know who you are and what you were made to do. We were made to love and for love. Only when we lose sight of this do we become tired, selfish and unable to love. If I'm fully loved then there should be an abundance of it within me. When that fullness of love is in me it should overflow to others around me. When I lose sight of the good love I have in my life, I can't love others. I become like an empty cup trying to quench the thirst of others. It's counterproductive and useless. You might as well not even do it. Your cup needs to be FULL and supernaturally always full in order for you to give it away.

I've become so discouraged by my own ability to love. I've become so discouraged by other people's inability to love. I have high expectations when it comes to love because it is the most important thing we have in this life. We want to get things right and be right but we forget to love. We allow our ego and arrogance get in the way. But I want to see people overflowing with love; not talks of love and not blog entries of love, but actual love. I want to see it move powerfully in me and in people around me where lives are completely changed, flipped upside down and we're left changed with encounters of love through each other. I've become busy with the wrong things; things that don't matter in the end. I want to be busy loving and growing in that love. I want my personality to be shaped by love, not by old habits, reactions to the past and old wounds.

"Do not waste time bothering whether you "love" your neighbor; act as if you did. As soon as we do this we find one of the great secrets. When you are behaving as if you loved someone you will presently come to love him." C.S Lewis

good friend || life

Life has gotten extremely busy. I get tired easily with work, commuting and keeping up with family and friends. I have two more months of this and then it's off to school again. 

I want to share this with you. I've been thinking a lot about friends, friendships and how it all works. I'm still figuring it all out. Learning to be a good friend and wanting to be a good friend has always and will always be a priority for me. 

In grade 8 we had a huge assignment called the "HOW TO" project. We had to teach the class how to do something. People had things like "how to make the perfect cookie" or "how to write a good story" or "how to draw". I decided to do "How to be a good friend" I should go find that and see what my 13-year old self suggested in being a good friend because I can't seem to really figure it out. 

“When we honestly ask ourselves which person in our lives mean the most to us, we often find that it is those who, instead of giving advice, solutions, or cures, have chosen rather to share our pain and touch our wounds with a warm and tender hand. The friend who can be silent with us in a moment of despair or confusion, who can stay with us in an hour of grief and bereavement, who can tolerate not knowing, not curing, not healing and face with us the reality of our powerlessness, that is a friend who cares.” 
― Henri J.M. Nouwen, The Road to Daybreak: A Spiritual Journey

“A friend is more than a therapist or confessor, even though a friend can sometimes heal us and offer us God's forgiveness. A friend is that other person with whom we can share our solitude, our silence, and our prayer. A friend is that other person with whom we can look at a tree and say, "Isn't that beautiful," or sit on the beach and silently watch the sun disappear under the horizon. With a friend we don't have to say or do something special. With a friend we can be still and know that God is there with both of us.” 
― Henri J.M. Nouwen

this love || life

“This love of which I speak is slow to lose patience - it looks for a way of being constructive.
Love is not possessive.
Love is not anxious to impress nor does it cherish inflated ideas of its own ideas.
Love has good manners and does not pursue selfish advantage.
Love is not touchy.
Love does not keep account of evil or gloat over the wickedness of other people. 
On the contrary, it is glad with all good men when truth prevails.
Love knows no limits to its endurance, no end to its trust, no fading of its hope; it can outlast anything. It is, in fact, the one thing that stands when all else has fallen.”
- Elisabeth Elliot

a beautiful mess || faith

I originally had a long, rant-like post queued up to post but couldn't, for one reason or another, press 'publish'. I feel like I'm facing all these broken little pieces in me and it's finally time to pick them up and do something about them. It's nearly impossible to put them all together to make what was. Instead I hold on to 2 Corinthians 5:7 'Therefore, if anyone is in Christ, the new creation has come: The old is gone, the new is here!'

“When I get honest, I admit I am a bundle of paradoxes. I believe and I doubt, I hope and get discouraged, I love and I hate, I feel bad about feeling good, I feel guilty about not feeling guilty. I am trusting and suspicious. I am honest and I still play games. Aristotle said I am a rational animal; I say I am an angel with an incredible capacity for beer.

To live by grace means to acknowledge my whole life story, the light side and the dark. In admitting my shadow side I learn who I am and what God's grace means. As Thomas Merton put it, "A saint is not someone who is good but who experiences the goodness of God."

The gospel of grace nullifies our adulation of televangelists, charismatic superstars, and local church heroes. It obliterates the two-class citizenship theory operative in many American churches. For grace proclaims the awesome truth that all is gift. All that is good is ours not by right but by the sheer bounty of a gracious God. While there is much we may have earned--our degree and our salary, our home and garden, a Miller Lite and a good night's sleep--all this is possible only because we have been given so much: life itself, eyes to see and hands to touch, a mind to shape ideas, and a heart to beat with love. We have been given God in our souls and Christ in our flesh. We have the power to believe where others deny, to hope where others despair, to love where others hurt. This and so much more is sheer gift; it is not reward for our faithfulness, our generous disposition, or our heroic life of prayer. Even our fidelity is a gift, "If we but turn to God," said St. Augustine, "that itself is a gift of God." 

My deepest awareness of myself is that I am deeply loved by Jesus Christ and I have done nothing to earn it or deserve it.” 

- Brennan Manning 'Good News for the Bedraggled, Beat-Up, and Burnt Out'

a collection of thoughts || life

I haven't been able to put aside the time and energy to write in this blog. But I was reminded by a good friend of mine that there are the few faithful people out there reading this to keep up to date with what's going on with my life. 

It's been almost a month since I've been out of school. It's still amazes me that I completed my first year at Loyalist College. I remember the first day I moved to Belleville and how I didn't want to come back for a second year. I was so unsure about the program because I had no idea what I was getting myself into. I told myself that if I didn't get a summer job at a newspaper I wouldn't go back for second year. Sometimes I can be really intense and extreme with my decision making, but it pushed me to work really hard and go for what I want. 

This summer I'm working as a photographer for a few small newspapers.  I'm going to get a taste of what it's like to be a photojournalist for local news. I don't know if this is what I want to do but I know this opportunity is going to help me grow as a photographer and as a person. It seems like this summer I'll be learning and doing a lot of new things. It's been really good so far. I have a great mentor and I can tell the people I'm with are going to be good workers to be around. It'd be easy to kind of underestimate and look down on what I'm doing since it is community news, but you gotta start somewhere. Be faithful and diligent in the small tasks then when the big opportunities come you'll be ready.

Other than the job I feel like my life has been under construction. I don't know if it's because I like to analyze and give meaning to every little thing I do but I've been discovering a lot about myself and the life I live. I have a collection of thoughts and observations that I'm still processing through. 

Validation. I need it. I want it. I want it from everyone and anyone. I mean, validation in general is important. If people don't validate my presence then I tend to feel invisible. I want to be affirmed in the things I do. As much as I tend to think "I don't care what people think" I do. I can't help it because I live with other people. When you're tightly knit with people you can't help but wonder what they think of you. You don't want to disappoint or let others down. 

It's draining to live for so many different people. Someone will be ok with what you do but another will be disappointed. How much authority do you give to the people around you? How much influence do their words and thoughts have on your life? I'm starting to see that I can't allow just anyone to have influence over me. If I want to validate my actions I'll look up things on the internet, ask a billion people what their opinion is and see what others would do if they were in my situation.

Yesterday on my day off I listened to one of my best friends, Gina, give a really talk on living for an audience of one. It helped me to be at peace with where I am in my life. I can't make everybody happy. I just want people to understand me and know me, but it seems almost near impossible. People are complex. There's almost 27 years to me one must know to fully understand me. 

I need to be patient with others and I have to ask for you to take your time with me. People need time. We can't rush through friendships. We have the time -- you just gotta find it. There's so much power and beauty in listening without an agenda. 

I thought by this age and stage in my life I'd have everything figured out. I wanted to meet certain deadlines by life accomplishments. I don't know why I thought I'd be a failure if I didn't get married and have kids before age 30. I'm not sure where these pressures come from but I've gotten rid of them. This is obvious, but because we're unique and different we're not going to live the same as someone else. I can't try to imitate someone else's life. Facebook, instagram and blogs are only a tiny peek into what's really going on in our lives. Don't let what others do affect you. I let it get to me easily and forget to live my own life. Do we know what it means to truly be present and live our own lives? I'm in the process of figuring it out. 

growing up is overrated || life

I miss my students in Korea. I miss being around a lot of kids. What I miss the most is that being around them brought out the kid in me. 

This is a letter to the young Hannah Love Yoon.

I want to know what happened to you. Where have you gone? You were a fearless and bold girl. You weren't afraid to try new things. You were so active and loud. You were a natural leader. You were kind to your friends. When you were 3 or 4 you'd jump from the top of the stairs or tables knowing someone would be there for you. You knew you were loved. You knew people were protecting you. Don't ever forget that. As you grow older you'll meet some mean people but you'll also meet a lot of good people. I want you to know you'll never be a loner. Never. You'll always have friends in each school year. People will like you. People will want to be with you. 

Growing up is overrated. There are too many angry, bitter and jaded grown ups out there. Adults don't know anything more than you do. I think grown-ups are more confused than they like to admit. Their hearts and minds are cluttered with lies, wounds and bitterness. 

We're all trying to figure out what we're doing or what we're supposed to be doing. We act like we know everything. Don't let us fool you. I don't think we know much. We fight one another. We don't know how to love each other. We compete with one another. We burn bridges, we manipulate and control... but it's because we're all broken and hurting. We haven't quite figured out how to move on, heal and be whole. Most of us are hiding. Whether it's behind our jobs, social status, what we own... we're hiding. It's a bit painful for people to see how broken we are.

Do you remember the first week at your new school? You were bullied but on that same day you made new friends. You thought you were going to be alone but people found you and loved you. You're going to try to use that event to keep people away. You're going to try to build up walls to protect yourself. But you should know if you do that you'll miss out on meeting the most amazing people who will want to be in your life.

You'll be just fine. You'll make it through middle school. Boys are insecure and don't know anything so when they're mean to you don't take it personally. High school is going to feel like hell sometimes. But it's over in 4 years. Popularity is overrated. Also no one is going to remember what you wore on that Monday in June to homeroom science class so don't stress about it.

Even though you'll be tempted to settle for second best in life, don't. You'll get into university, travel, work and live in Korea and discover what you're meant to be doing. So much is waiting for you. Stop hiding. Let your heart be forever young -- young, but not immature. You might think you're insignificant and worthless, but this isn't true. You'll see how much you're loved by all the people who will invest into you through their commitment to you. Your youthfulness is powerful. Too many children are disappearing because they're told to grow up. 

Don't try to grow up too fast. Growing up doesn't mean you have to cease to exist. Don't abandon who you are just because someone told you to grow up. Those who tell you to grow up have forgotten how good it is to be young.

I'm only 26 right now. I don't have life figured out. I think I understand what it means to have child-like faith. I wonder a lot about love, about God and about life. Rather than doing this alone, maybe you could help me out. Keep me grounded. With you there'll be joy, freedom, love and hope. I could use some of your confidence and grit. See you soon. 

caring too much || life

It seems that wherever I go, no matter what season I'm in, I get myself involved with intense people and intense relationships. I don't think I was ever meant to be shallow. I wrote about how I was pretty disengaged in February. But the month of March I think it was the opposite. As I continued to put myself out there, go out, be comfortable with who I am, I found myself connecting people I didn't think I would connect with.

It takes time. It takes time to care, to be vulnerable and to be comfortable around new people. Honestly when I first came to Belleville I wasn't sure how this was going to work. I wasn't sure how I'd connect and who I'd become friends with. It's always a scary place to be when you're starting something new. Anybody remember the first day of middle school or high school? What a terrifying day. I had that same feeling when I moved to Korea in 2011 and became involved with a new church.

You feel completely naked. When you realize you're naked you do what you gotta do to make sure you're covered. You put up a front. You aren't yourself. You don't want anyone to see your weaknesses. You want to love and care for others, but not too much. Caring too much is a risk. You can get hurt. You can be rejected.

We tend to perceive things the wrong way only because of what we've experienced in the past. We're constantly reacting to our past -- making decisions and choices in reaction to our past. We make judgements and assumptions about other people based on our own grid in life.

All the second years have left the school. They're off on their internships and doing all kinds of amazing, new and different things. Not sure why but I started to spend more time with them this past semester. I knew they'd be leaving early, but I think it came way too fast. It was only in the past month that I started to really enjoy their company and their presence. All of us first years are feeling their absence. We miss them. I miss them.

I've gone through a lot of goodbyes and see ya laters and it never gets easy. What is amazing about all this is I know I've got good people in my life all across Canada. When I left Korea I knew I'd keep in touch and stay connected. It's been over a year since I left and I feel even closer to my friends in Korea because we made decisions to stay in touch.

Maybe I come off clingy or too strong in the way I care and love people. Who knows. There is something special about deeply caring for people without any pressure or demands. It's rare when you have those kinds of connections.

I don't think you can ever care too much about people. We should worry more about caring too little about people.

“Our greatest fear should not be of failure but of succeeding at things in life that don't really matter.” - Francis Chan

moving forward || life

It's been rather difficult to keep up with this blog.

I think I might be moving forward in life away from this blog as I develop other websites/blogs revolved around my photography.

Monday we had our second advisory board of the year. If you don't remember, my last experience was life changing. Not REALLY, but at the same time it impacted me a lot. So I was definitely excited about round two.

I was able to meet with more photo editors and photographers. I got a lot of advice and a lot of good feedback. This program has been so much more than a photojournalism program. It's challenged me to grow in areas I thought I was already established in.

Check out my photoblog and my website to keep updated on what I'm shooting. I don't know if I'll post my work on here,  rather my personal life will be updated on here. 

Don't be afraid to show who you are to the world. It's terrifying. We're tempted to put on a performance and act. We analyze and assume we know what people want to her and see. Don't go there. Let who you are shine through, otherwise a connection will be missed. The window of opportunity to click and connect with people is slim.

I've started to connect with one photo editor and his words are like gems to me. I take what people say to me very seriously especially because I also know they aren't throwing out cheap words.
On the above photo he said, "Hannah, this is like a 1920's Lewis Hine photo. This is fantastic. This is your anchor."

Go for the gold. Move forward. Never let anything in your life plateau.

excellent in love || life

I'm sorry I've completely abandoned this blog. The month of February was ridiculous. It was busy with school. I was emotionally detached and spiritually stalled. When I'm disengaged with God and with myself I find it hard to be engaged with people, with my photography and with writing.

When I'm disengaged with people I find that I'm barely getting by. I exist, I work, I eat, and sleep.
Put that on repeat and that's what February consisted of.

I wanted to do really well in my program in regards to all my assignments. I worked really hard but I think I had more failures than successes last month. I found myself wallowing in frustration because I wasn't doing as well as I wanted to

No one wants to fail. Failure and rejection are the two life experiences I hate the most.
I'm not sure if its the case with most people, but I like to believe that we all have this intrinsic need/want for greatness.
No one wants to be last. We're trained from a young age to win, be the best, aim for perfection and avoid failure. We don't want to be left behind.

I find it hard to balance my life -  I want to do great in this new world of photojournalism, which I blindly and ignorantly entered into,  but I don't want to completely abandon everyone and everything else.

If I'm going to be known for anything I want it to be something beyond my ability to take photos and tell stories. This is just a medium for me to connect with this scary world. This is simply a way for me to discover myself and the untold stories I stumble upon. This is my way into someone's life to love them, to bless them and to learn from them.

If I strive for excellence in the wrong areas I lose myself.

If you've ever read A Wrinkle in Time you'll know why love is the most powerful weapon, tool and medium to bring some change to this broken world. It's not my photography, it's not my writing or intelligence that'll change anything. It's love.

Love drives out fear and darkness.

When we love and we know we're love it compels us to without so much pressure.
Anxiety and fear cripple me when I try to be excellent as a photographer. It's tiring and not worth it.
But if I make every effort to love and that's all my life is marked by, I would be satisfied.

Without love I am nothing.

“If she could give love to IT perhaps it would shrivel up and die, for she was sure that IT could not withstand love.” 

A Wrinkle in Time

rise up and be thankful || faith

When I'm sick and tired I can enter into a place of self-pity, or enter His gates with thanksgiving.
There are times when I feel the heaviness of loneliness and want to take full control of it - this is when I need to give thanks. 

Life can be overwhelming with it's harsh realities and it's easy to allow them to consume me. 

This paralyzes me and I end up wanting to hide from everyone and everything. 

If we want to see change in our lives, we have to move. 

Rise up and be thankful. 

Find that place of thanksgiving - it is a place of life. 

Enter His gates with thanksgiving, and His courts with praise. Give thanks to Him; bless His name. Psalm 100:4

people are worth it || life

A few days ago I posted a funny image on my facebook on a guide to understanding introverts. It got me thinking about the way I, as an introvert, interact with others. 

I may be introverted but I'm not quiet. Actually, I can be obnoxiously loud especially while telling a story or explaining something really exciting. I also talk a lot. Sometimes too much, especially if I've been in environments where I don't get to talk too much.

I'm also not shy. I can talk to strangers, I enjoy meeting new people and making new friends. 

Though there are times I need my downtime to recharge, I value quality time with people. My love language is quality time - I feel the most loved when I spend good quality time with my family and friends. Even if I've just met you but our time was well spent, I know I've made a good friend. 

It's funny because even though my love language is quality time, and I value the quality time I do have with people, but because I need to be alone to recharge it takes so much out of me to get out there. I'm terribly bad at keeping appointments. If I'm supposed to meet you at 10am and I get up at 8:30am, I'll probably ask if we can meet at 10:30am so that I have enough time to sit around, 'charge' and then go out. I used to wake up at 6:30am to get to work for 8:30am even though my kids didn't come in until 9:30am. I needed that extra hour to sit around and do nothing before I interacted with them. Terrible habit and I'm thankful for the people that have been so gracious about it. 

There are times that I use my personality as a reason to not be with people. If we're completely honest with ourselves it's daunting to be invested in others. It's draining, and at times, even burdensome. If I just want to avoid getting close with people, or if I'm exhausted, I always say, "I just need my alone time" so they know they're not the problem, but it's just the way I am. We've been conditioned to not talk about our feelings, so when someone does its tough to listen to. We don't validate's people's feelings as much as we should and that's could be why it's tiring listening to others. 

But people should be worth sacrificing your comfort for - at least for an hour or two. This past week I learned of really devastating news regarding a very close friend of mine. Though I'm someone who thinks a lot, I avoid thinking of death and emotionally-charged things. I don't know how to think about those things. But this week I've been pushed to think of things I've avoided for a long time.  

Time is precious, people can be with you one moment and gone the next, and that the people in your life should always be worth your time. Your time and your presence is a gift no one can ever give. 

I'm an introvert, but it doesn't mean I don't like being with people. Give me a little nudge and reminder to get my hamster ball rolling. 

changes || life

I'm back! Actually, to be honest, I didn't do quite so well on my media-fast being in a media-centered program. I did make sure to be intentional with my time and what I was doing with the computer/anything media related. 

There are some changes to my blog. First, I'm not longer operating under www.hannahgram.com. The domain name expired about a few days ago and I decided to switch back to having a blogger domain for now until I figure out what I should commit to.

I decided to make some changes. This blog is going to be my personal life blog. I want to be free with what I write and share, but keep it a bit separate from my photojournalism things. 
I've decided to have a tumblr for my photojournalism related photos. Check it out! 
I'm also in the process of deciding how to make a real website.

A lot has happened in the month of January.
I'm mentoring a few more girls.
I'm shooting a LOT more than I ever did. I guess I feel more motivated. Once you get into the grind of things it becomes a part of you. I'm producing work I actually like. Before I took pictures for the sake of an assignment.
I'm experimenting with my flash so my pictures can turn out better. 
I moved into a new house where I live with one girl and her two cats. The one cat won't leave me alone. 
I'm making new friends at school. I'm enjoying their presence and the fact that we connect and can talk for hours even though we're still getting to know each other. 
I am eating much healthier after I did the Daniel fast. It's cheaper too.
I'm working out at least 1 or 2 times a week. It's better than last year where I didn't do anything.
One of my goals was to go to one event a week. So far it's been working out.
I started to read The Hiding Place by Corrie Ten Boom. What a powerful book. I recommend it!
My friend started an online magazine called Re.write Magazine. Check it out! Link is also on the side.

“No hatred” - Corrie Ten Boom 

As this month has come by, I came to a deep realization of how I want to live. I want to live by hope. It's easy to despair or be cynical in life, but I don't find that it helps. I want to live against what's the norm. Despite naturally being a cynical and critical person, I'm going to choose hope. It doesn't come naturally. We'll always hear disheartening words, but find the sound of hope in your life. It restores your mind, soul and spirit.

I have much more to share, but I'll leave it at that for now. I want to commit to at least 2 entries a week!

Here are a few photos from January!

lots of cooking

my groceries for january

housewarming party at the guys' house

tech & media team

mailboxes by my house

"I like adoption" || video

This story was beautiful. Only 6 minutes of your time!

hopeful wanderer || life

It's the first day of school. I'm starting my second semester. After this semester I have two more left. I'm on my way to being half finished. I want to start the school year off well. A new year always brings in motivation and a desire to do well. 

I'll be doing a few things to get some clarity and direction for the first part of 2013. I like to divide my year into thirds. 

Normally when I make resolutions I become overly ambitious. But as the year goes on I become pretty hopeless about it. 

This year I want to be hopeful about these goals.

1. I'm on a Daniel fast with my best friends. We're doing it to support a friend who started last week, but we're also doing it to get some clarity for this new year. We want to make it fun while we do it. We're going to collect recipes, take pictures, write down revelations etc and then make a book at the end of it. We also want to start the year off with healthy discipline. 

2. I'll be going on a partial media fast for 21 days. I've had to adjust it a bit since I'm in a media studies program. No blogging, no gchat or facebook chatting, no youtube videos, no instagram, no twitter, no idle internet surfing, only check facebook once a day etc. You get the point. I've done it once and it was pretty refreshing.  

3. Keep in touch with people. Email back within 2 days. Skype with friends overseas. Meet up with people even if I'm a bit tired. 

4. Go to the school's gym 3x a week. Try to snowboard once or twice this semester (this is sad but I know I'll be really busy)  

5. Cover/take photographs of an event at least once a week or once every two weeks. 

6. Take on a personal project monthly. It's ok if it's a small one. 

7. Take online lessons on web design

8. Read one book a month.
9. Catch up on New Philly sermons.
10. Keep track of finances/get better at budgeting (I need some help in this area... desperately!)

dear 2013 || life

Dear 2013,

                 I'm really excited for you. Your older sister, 2012, turned out to be amazing. So much increase and newness came with 2012.
                 This year I am expecting to live in faith, hope and love. Along with those I know peace, joy and goodness will follow. I look forward in anticipation. I'm excited for the new people I will meet, the new places I will visit and the new things I will accomplish. 

                 I am excited to be stretched as a daughter, as a sister, as a friend, as a mentor, as a photographer and as a person. I'm ready. 2013, you're another opportunity for me to do better than last year but to do it all under the umbrella of grace. Mistakes will be made, but there's no need to despair. Mistakes are necessary to grow. 

                 I ask for new and challenging opportunities. I ask for wise words to permeate in my heart. I ask for joyful experiences. I ask for love to be poured out. 

                 I will be wise with my time and resources. Guide me to the right people and in the right direction. Let not a single minute of my day be wasted. Rather, let me lavish my time and resources on people. I'm here for them. Challenge my introvert nature to love fearlessly and faithfully. 

                I can't do anything on my own, so thank you Holy Spirit for the privilege to join you on your adventures for this upcoming year. I will go where you go. I will be as light and free as a feather. 

                                                                                         Yours truly, 

                                                                                                            Hannah Love

"How you going" || Travels

"How you going?" is the Aussie way of saying "How are you?"

Here are a few of my pictures from my trip.
Australia has the best food.
Amazing weather.
Chill people.
Funny animals (those are bats flying in the photo up there)

I can't wait to go back.

10 Happy Things || Life

2012 was a year marked by increase, joy and freedom.

Today I'm being featured on Ashley's blog. I'm sharing about 10 happy things I experienced in 2012.

Freedom, family, friends, travelling, new things, new people etc.
So much happened but 2012 isn't over.
I just came back from Australia.
I'm leaving for an amazing retreat tomorrow.
I'm spending New Year's Eve with my best friends.

2012 isn't over. Make the most of it.

love came down || life

Immanuel. God with us. 

Prince of Peace. 

Wonderful Counsellor. 

Mighty God. 

Everlasting Father.

"How is it then that we've come to image that Christianity consists primarily in what we do for God? How has this come to be the good news of Jesus? Is the kingdom that He proclaimed to be nothing more than a community of men and women who go to church on Sunday, take an annual spiritual retreat, read their Bibles every now and then, vigorously oppose abortion, don't watch x-rated movies, never use vulgar language, smile a lot, hold doors open for people, root for the favourite team, and get along with everybody? Is that why Jesus went through the bleak and bloody horror of Calvary? Is that why He emerged in shattering glory from the tomb? Is that why He poured out His Holy Spirit on the church? To make nicer men and women with better morals? 

The gospel is absurd and the life of Jesus is meaningless unless we believe that He lived, died, and rose again with but one purpose in mind; to make brand-new creations. Not to make people with better morals, but to create a community of prophets and professional lovers, me and women who would surrender to the mystery of the fire of the Spirit that burns within, who would live in ever greater fidelity to the omnipresent Word of God, who would enter into the centre of it all, the very heart and mystery of Christ, into the centre of the flame that consumes, purifies, and sets everything aglow with peace, joy, boldness, and extravagant, furious love." (Brennan Manning - The Furious Longing of God)

BE with people.
Spend time with them.
Give them the gift of your presence. 

You are Good || Faith

Lord You Are Good- New Philly Gospel Choir Thanksgiving Banquet Performance from New Philadelphia on Vimeo.

There are times when absolutely nothing goes your way and it seems like the whole world is against you. But God is good. All. The. Time.