When I'm disengaged with people I find that I'm barely getting by. I exist, I work, I eat, and sleep.
Put that on repeat and that's what February consisted of.
I wanted to do really well in my program in regards to all my assignments. I worked really hard but I think I had more failures than successes last month. I found myself wallowing in frustration because I wasn't doing as well as I wanted to
No one wants to fail. Failure and rejection are the two life experiences I hate the most.
I'm not sure if its the case with most people, but I like to believe that we all have this intrinsic need/want for greatness.
No one wants to be last. We're trained from a young age to win, be the best, aim for perfection and avoid failure. We don't want to be left behind.
I find it hard to balance my life - I want to do great in this new world of photojournalism, which I blindly and ignorantly entered into, but I don't want to completely abandon everyone and everything else.
If I'm going to be known for anything I want it to be something beyond my ability to take photos and tell stories. This is just a medium for me to connect with this scary world. This is simply a way for me to discover myself and the untold stories I stumble upon. This is my way into someone's life to love them, to bless them and to learn from them.
If I strive for excellence in the wrong areas I lose myself.
If you've ever read A Wrinkle in Time you'll know why love is the most powerful weapon, tool and medium to bring some change to this broken world. It's not my photography, it's not my writing or intelligence that'll change anything. It's love.
Love drives out fear and darkness.
When we love and we know we're love it compels us to without so much pressure.
Anxiety and fear cripple me when I try to be excellent as a photographer. It's tiring and not worth it.
But if I make every effort to love and that's all my life is marked by, I would be satisfied.
Without love I am nothing.
“If she could give love to IT perhaps it would shrivel up and die, for she was sure that IT could not withstand love.”
A Wrinkle in Time