freedom || life

photo by Michelle K

I'm still alive! I know it's been ages since I've been able to write, but remember when I mentioned that August would be marked by joy, intimacy and love? Those are the exact reasons why I haven't been able to blog. 

Only in freedom are we able to experience true joy, intimacy and love. Otherwise there's a lot of baggage and pain mixed in with all of it. A lot of the intimacy and joy that I've experienced was always combined with bitterness and grudges. Before this breakthrough of joy, intimacy and love I was really restless. There were a lot of battles going on in the mind which manifested in the way I spoke and interacted with others. I found myself getting annoyed and upset with people. Isolation sounded sweeter than community. I overworked myself so that I wouldn't have to see anyone or deal with any raw emotions. It was all a set up; a set up to break into a life of freedom. There's a cost to be paid for freedom, but it's worth it. Don't settle for a counterfeit freedom.

I feel so free. My family has experienced a lot of breakthrough as each member cleaned out their messy drawers without any fear of judgement. I'm experiencing restoration in broken friendships and even current friendships. Christ set me free for freedom. I know it sounds redundant, but I feel like I confused freedom with being a good and sound Christian. 

Christ died so that I would be free from depression, rejection, and confusion. Christ died so I can fully live in true freedom. Freedom isn't doing whatever I want, but no longer being under the bondage of darkness. 

I have so much more to share! It's the last day of August and I'm ready for September. September is a new month and the start to a new season. I have no idea what to expect. I'm leaving for school in 4 days. I've never done this kind of thing before -- go of to some small town, live with people I don't know, be at a school and city where I don't know a single soul. Terrifying, but exciting too. 

This blog, and each of you guys that read, are part of this transition. I may need you for encouragement and for words of wisdom. I may need you to simply read and support me. You've done an amazing job of supporting me and I'm so blessed that this blog has even come this far. I'm still so clueless as to what I'm doing with this blog but I'm comforted by every single reader and comment that ends up on this blog. Thank you! 

(Btw, please pray for my eyes. Another reason why I haven't blogged for so long is because my left eye got worse so things on the computer screen give me a headache and I can't afford an eye check up yet. I just need prayer for no headaches or dizziness. Thanks!)

Jane & Brian || Wedding

Here is the debut of my filming and editing of a wedding video. My sister, Clara, and I were asked by Brian and Jane to do their wedding video. It has its imperfections. We didn't have a steady-cam so it's not super professional looking. I had no experience prior! Brian, for some crazy divine reason, believed in our abilities and trusted us with his day. Honestly I was moreso joking when I offered but he was serious on accepting it. *Note to self: Never jokingly offer your amateur services.... it will lead to craziness!*

It was definitely an experience I've never had before. Not only did we film their wedding, we also were involved with the wedding preparations the day before since we were early. I've never helped out at a wedding before so I didn't know what to expect. All I know is that I don't even want to pinterest-plan my wedding anymore because there's SO much to do. I couldn't believe all the things that had to get done and how many people it took to make sure this day went smoothly and perfect. 

Jane & Brian's wedding and story is beautiful. Right from the beginning to the end there was so much joy and love. Two nights before the wedding we were up until 3am working on random little decorations and it was pretty amazing to see how calm they were. They were always calm even when things couldn't be found, or we had to do more errands than planned. It made me calm and I think it made everyone else calm. You could see how loved these two were by how many people were willing to help out. Even Brian's groomsmen were working on the table decorations. 

This wedding showed me how much a marriage is NOT just about two people. I really honor and respect Jane for her trust in the Lord. Long story short, Jane and Brian met on a blinddate a few weeks before he was going back to Korea. The second time they met was in Korea, the third time they met was when they got engaged! She told us that more than trusting Brian, she trusted the Lord and she trusted the community he came from. She saw that he came from a healthy, loving community that displayed the essence of a true family. She had nothing to worry about even though she was literally leaving everything behind in America. Crazy, eh? Love really takes crazy risks.

We worked with the amazing Tanya and her intern Elle. It was SUCH an honor to work with someone so professional and so confident in her skills. Being in her presence and working made our day a lot calmer than we anticipated. Check out her amazing photos of the day!

tanya kay photo

tanya kay photo

To be honest, it's kind of terrifying to do something like this while waiting in anticipation to see how people react. It's a pretty vulnerable place to show your piece of work with the world and hear NOTHING. Silence is more devastating than constructive criticism, so please be kind to me today :)

kye kye || music

This is Kye Kye. I love how their literally a musical family playing music not for themselves, but for someone much greater. 

My brother came back from IHOP (International House of Prayer) and their teen awakening camp and brought their album back. When I listen to this I feel like I'm immediately being taken away deep into the forest on a search for treasure. I feel a lot of anticipation and hope when I listen to them. 

Here is what I found on their website. What I read made me more drawn to them. You can find their album on youtube. I would check out "Broke" and "My Sight" 
They've been out for a while. It seems that I'm a bit late on discovering them. 

"Our love for music was passed on from our parents. Our Love for Christ was given to us from our Heavenly Father. " 

Certain things happen in a persons life that are a result of an intimate relationship with God through Christ. One of those things is the desire to spread the good news of the Kingdom of God. As this relationship grows a second set of desires tends to rise up in your heart. This desire is designed and tailored to you and grows for the very purpose of supporting the desire to pour out the gospel from within you. 

Kye Kye is our second set of desires. 

We Love what we do and are blessed to be able to pour out what God has done through Christ, why he did it, what that means, why its different than anything else that's offered in this world .. through the art of Music.

halfway through august || life

I spent an awesome weekend in Chicago at the beginning of August with my cousins and friends. I went to Lollapalooza for the first time. I loved it. I saw Sigur Ros, Of Monsters and Men, Jack White, Justice, Kaskade, Bombay Bicycle Club and some other randoms. It was like we were in a whole new world. Everyone is half-naked and so free. It was pretty fun to also observe the people that were there.

I also loved this weekend because we went good quality time with our cousins. I have a bad history of going to Chicago for a wedding or a church event and often I wouldn't see my cousins, or I'd see them for a really short time. This time was different. It was good to reconnect with Grace, Paul and Helen. When we were younger our age difference kind of restricted what we'd talk about and what we would do, but now that we're all in our 20s, we could all talk about similar things... even if it was usually about weddings.

I still can't believe that August is halfway over. I'm off to school in about 3 weeks. I was hecka nervous about it. I was even considering just dropping out after first year, go find a job and get started on my life. I have a lot more to say on that. There was a lot of fear in regards to my future and I didn't want to waste my time. But I'm starting to recognize that I have to go through the process in order to get to where I want to.

I hope you've all been having an awesome August. Summer is almost over!

still alive || life

Yea, it's been crazy hectic. I was in Chicago last weekend, and so much happened on the way there, while we were there and on the way back. My cousin came back to Waterloo with us so I haven't had much time to process, but let's just say August is crazy and I'm loving it.

august || life

A few nights ago a few friends and I were together to talk about August. We thought of different words that would really make August different from other months. We said JOY, BONDING, GROWTH, LOVE, INTIMACY and a bunch of others. 

July wasn't that great. I was in a funk, my heart was going through a lot and my mind did not want to leave that place of self-pity. But even a few nights ago I felt that August was going to be different. 

Who knows what'll happen. I'm off to Chicago this weekend and then I'll be back home to work a lot before I start school in September. I've got 30 more days. More than traveling and working, I want my mind to be strong and my heart to be fully covered in peace.

August will be marked and set apart by the realities of joy, intimacy and love.