... and that's ok.
I went through a lot of old e-mails from 2005-2009. I was able to delete about 300 e-mails and still have about 1,950 left!
I'd open up an email, wonder what that person is doing, look them up on facebook or google.
It's really weird to think we were once friends. You were a part of my life. I was a part of yours. We enjoyed, for the most part, each other's presence and now you're gone; living your own life and I'm living my own. I think a lot about my past, maybe more than I should.
Often times I have to motivate myself with quotes like "live in the now" or "be happy for this moment. this moment is your life" because I don't like the present. I have a hard time embracing the present and would rather be off in my own dream world OR reliving the past. I'm a nostalgic day dreamer. I like to travel from my past to the future without ever being fully present.
In this world, those that are inspiring and motivating leave a mark. Nobody likes a debbie downer. So we all try very hard to be excited to live. I think I'm admitting that I live a very mundane life. Through facebook, pinterest, tumblr, twitter and whatever other social networking sites that are out there we try to portray our everyday living as very exciting when it really isn't. I choose what I show on my facebook and want everyone to know that I'm living a grandiose life. Don't get me wrong. I love life. I am very glad to be alive and love where I am today. But there are days that I don't like the present. And I think it's ok to admit this. I think I've been trying so hard to prove to the rest of the world that I'm living a glorious life based on what I do and that all depends on how I show it.
Life is such a paradox. When everything is boring and uneventful life is still beautiful. We can't force our lives to be magical and exciting all the time. There are days when you just sit at home, read a book, drink tea, look at your computer screen for hours and then go to sleep. That's it. And that's ok. I don't have to try to play up my life and pretend that it's full of adventures. Sometimes it's not. And it's still beautiful.
Life is boring and that's ok!