capture the world || my life

I did it. I applied to a school for photojournalism. I want to go out, capture the world, and do what I can to share the world with the world. 

I don't know why it's such a big deal but it is. I've been out of school for 3 years so it's really weird to think that I could be going back to school this fall. I've applied to two different programs in the past, one time for my MSW (Masters of Social Work) and another time for teacher's college here in Ontario. I clearly didn't know what I wanted to do but I just did what seemed the most reliable in terms of getting a job or what seemed most easiest to get into. 

Ever since I was 10 years old I loved taking pictures. I got my first digital camera when I was 16 and before that I'd play with random film cameras and even had one of those really old skinny rectangular cameras. I own a really old polaroid camera along with a Holga lomography toy camera. Without much research I bought this random old film Canon SLR on e-bay, but then it broke. I got my first DSLR in 2009 as a graduation present. It was a Nikon D40. Right after graduation I went ou with my D40 and the kit lens to discover the world. First stop was Bolivia. I was so terrified to take pictures though. 

Fast forward to Korea and a year of discovering who I am and what I'm supposed to do on this earth. What a discovery it was. I discovered a lot of my fears, past wounds and insecurities. After I dealt with that junk, I could see what my dreams were. I actually gave my D40 away last year in April believing that I couldn't be a photographer. I compared myself with everyone around me and fully convinced myself that I couldn't do it. That's how I've always lived. I like something, look at everyone else and then tell myself I'm not good enough and give up. Ever since I was a kid I would pick something up and then give up when it got too hard. Before applying I just thought of all the reasons why I shouldn't go to school. I tried to think of all kinds of options so that I wouldn't have to think about photography. I barely know how my camera works and I'm a terrible writer. I'm afraid to fail. I'm afraid that this is the wrong direction to go. As I thought and prayed about it, I knew I had to stop running away from this. 

I've had enough of it. No more running away and letting my fears control me. I know I love photography. I absolutely despise the snobbery (is that a word??) that tends to come along with it, but I want to also get into this industry to change the standards of it. I don't believe the photography industry has to be a dog-eat-dog kind of world. I believe that if we, especially as a photojournalist, are doing what we love to capture unheard and unseen stories of this world, we need to work together. Anyway I'm just dreaming right now. I didn't even get accepted. 

Step 1 for stepping into your destiny: Believe in yourself. Love yourself. Reject all lies. Break off fear. 

Step 2: just do it.  

Step 3: trust that all things are working out, even when things don't look like it. TRUST.